Lights Out
by Elli Cole
Summary: [KakaSaku] She groaned under his touch and she grinded herself to his ministrations. “Does Sai make you feel the way I do, Sakura?”


**Title:** Lights Out

**Author:** Elli Cole

**Rating:** M—_for mating._

**Feedback:** Greatly appreciated.

**Status:** Single… call me at—_kidding_.

_He wanted it._

It was a longing that wouldn't go away after a few rendezvous with her. He needed to go on and on and he just couldn't _stop_. Because he needed to know that she wanted him too. He needed to know that she felt the same passion that he felt for her. He wanted to know that the downfall that he feared was the same thing that she anticipated. Because he just wanted her to be there for him.

_He was pathetic_.

"Hey Kakashi," she smiled at him softly. "It's been a while."

He nodded his head towards her in acknowledgement but doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to. She knew what he felt. He knew that she pitied him for his loss. His loss of her presence in his own embrace but she doesn't mind. She has the emotionless artist. She has everything that he wanted them to have.

She waited for his response but silence only met her expectation. She sighed as she gave him another of her fake smiles. He hated those smiles. He wanted the smiles she used to give him. He wanted the feel of her skin against his and the heat that had always made him lose his mind completely. The Copy Nin had never lost his composure. That was, until he found himself entangled in the sheets of a certain pink-haired medic.

"Sai and I want to ask if you want to come over for dinner." She proposed with a nervous look settled upon her face. "I know you wouldn't want to come but—"

"I'll come."

The look on her face was the emotion of pure shock. It gave him a sense of inevitability but also the doubt that the event that was going to occur later that night would end his solid friendship with Sakura. But Kakashi was suicidal. He wanted to know. He _needed_ to know—

What it was like to marry Haruno Sakura.

"Okay," she beamed at him. She probably thought he had moved on. She probably thought he was okay. She probably had thought that everything was going back to the way things were. He wanted to prove her wrong. "Dinner will be at seven… _don't_ be late."

With a gentle wave of her hand, she vanished through a puff of smoke. He lazily glanced at the sky and noted the tinge of vibrant mix of colors. Sunsets had always looked beautiful for him. It always had the effect that would calm him down. It was a great substitute from Sakura's smiles.

He sighed and decided that a long walk would do him good for tonight's occasion.

Thoughts plagued his mind throughout the slow walk from his usual spot at the training grounds towards the modest house of the married couple. He strolled to the front door and knocked. The door opened quickly and a flushed Sakura met his sight. He raised his hand in a wave.

"Yo."

"You—" She hissed. "You're _late_."

"I apologize, Sakura," he murmured softly. "I was walking when I caught a sight of an ant carrying a crumb of bread. I decided to help the poor little guy—"

"_Ka-ka-shi_," she broke his name in syllabications. A small crinkle of an eye met hers in amusement. "You are _impossible_."

A hand appeared behind the figure of the woman in front of him and rested itself on her hips. Behind his mask, Kakashi's mouth curled down in distaste and the crinkle on his eye was gone. The build of Sai came into view behind Sakura and smirked at him. It wasn't a smirk that told Kakashi that the artist knew about Kakashi's feelings towards his wife but it told him that it was a smirk that materialized from his luck.

That he was fortunate. And it was a mocking gesture to Kakashi.

_Because he was not_.

"Don't fight with our guest now, Sakura," Sai's lazy drawl gave Kakashi an urge to do something painful—to Sai or to himself, he'd prefer Sai and just whisk away Sakura and ravish her. "He's just a few minutes late."

Sakura glared at the dark-haired ANBU. "What the hell are you saying? He's _one hour late_!"

"And you're surprised, why?" Sai raised a brow at her. She sighed and ran a tired hand through her pink unruly locks.

"Let's just eat," she muttered wryly. "Come in."

He was led to a warm ambient dinner room and the table set out grandly. He sat down from across Sai and silently waited for Sakura to come back from the kitchen. Sai smirked once again and Kakashi resisted the need to wipe it off from his face. His hands turned into fists as the artist opened his mouth to speak.

"I've heard from around the village that you've stopped reading your books," he nonchalantly started. "Grown bored of written porn, Kakashi?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" He narrowed his visible eye at him. His right hand traveled to the pocket at his vest and held on to his book. It was one of the few distractions that were left that would take his mind off of the woman residing at the other room.

"It's either you've finally found a woman or—" He trailed off teasingly. Sakura came back with a large grin on her face.

"Dinner is _finally_ served," she beamed at them. "We can finally eat."

Kakashi thanked her timely arrival. A few dishes were served that included his favorite dumplings and his least favorite, tempura but he wasn't one to complain. Sakura loved tempuras and he respected that… _kind of_. Sai and Sakura ate in relative companionate silence until Sakura burst out in a talk about their past together. They talked about their missions, about Sasuke, about Naruto, _about everything _except for Kakashi's secret with her.

It wasn't a subject that was right to be brought out with Sai there. Then, Sai finally noticed that Kakashi hadn't had a bite to eat as of their whole dinner. He raised a brow at his former sensei and grinned.

"Why haven't you eaten yet, Kakashi?" He asked curiously. "You don't have to be shy around us."

Sakura looked up and stared at Kakashi's stoic face. He hadn't taken off his mask.

"I've always wanted to see what was under your mask, Kakashi," Sai suddenly said. "And I know Sakura wants to see as well."

Sakura stilled.

Kakashi didn't have to show Sakura. She already saw it many times before. She looked at it, she showered it with kisses, and she admired it for its normality but rugged features. He wanted to proclaim to Sai that he wanted his wife. That he _needed_ her in his life and that he wanted her _back_ with him but he couldn't.

She was happy with the artist like she wouldn't be happy with him.

All of his selfish thoughts were pushed at the back of his head as he weakly smiled. "Of course."

Slowly, he brought it down under his nose, past his lips, and to the bottom of his chin. He happily noted Sakura's breath hitched at the sight and Sai's broad smirk. He smirked back and decided to finally eat. Sakura had already stopped and dropped her fork at the side of her plate, forgotten.

Sai ignored her reaction and proceeded with his dinner. Kakashi tilted his head upwards and glanced at her. Her eyes were glassy and her lips were pursed. He raised a brow at her as she turned her eyes away from his. Curiously, he brought a piece of tempura to his mouth and chewed softly.

A soft knock on the door gained their attention and Sakura stood up as she excused herself. The creak of the door echoed through the household and Sakura's voice called out to Sai. He stood up with a small frown and walked towards the front door. Kakashi heard the familiar voice of Genma and Sai's voice mixed with the octave tone.

Kakashi stood up as soon as Sai came back for him with a small scowl. "Kakashi," he urgently said. "I'm sorry I have to leave so soon but I was just given an imperative mission from the idiot."

"_Sai_," Sakura scolded. "You should address Naruto more properly. He is, after all, the Hokage."

Sai rolled his eyes as he gently kissed Sakura on the lips. Kakashi felt his chest tighten at the contact and watched as Sai departed with a puff of smoke. Silence once again overcame the room where he was left with the woman he had wanted for so long. But he knew he needed to do the right thing. He knew he should leave with his dignity still intact. He knew a lot of things that should've been rightly done in that certain situation.

But Kakashi was completely suicidal so he did what he thought was needed to do.

He gathered her in his arms and kissed her. Shock registered in her mind but was completely forgotten when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. He needed to taste her again, to feel her and her warmth again, and as he coaxed her to open her mouth, she obliged because somehow she knew she needed to feel him too.

To just learn what it must have felt like to actually be with each other.

He backed her up against the dining table and pushed all the tableware away. He gently laid her down on the cold, hard surface of the wooden table and looked at the flushed face of Sakura. Her lips red and wet, her cheeks tainted with a pink hue, and her eyes glossy with relishing need. Her pink hair spread out from across her face and stuck out in different directions.

"I've missed you," he whispered so softly that she almost hadn't heard him.

"I've always missed you," she muttered back. Her chest heaved up and down as her breath fastened and her hands traveled their way towards his light hair. "You didn't come to the wedding."

"I didn't want to see that I've lost you." His hands gripped at her sides and his right hand made its way to the underside of her breast, teasing her. She arched her back and tightly closed her eyes at the touch of his hand to her inadequately clad flesh. "I thought that I would always have you."

She turned her head away as he tried to capture her lips with his once again. His lips came in contact with the flushed skin of her neck. He gently suckled as she fought of a moan. "I loved you."

His hand traveled from her knee as he tickled his way to her inner thighs. Her dress pushed upward as his hand cupped her through the thin fabric of her knickers. She groaned under his touch and she grinded herself to his ministrations. "Does Sai make you feel the way I do, Sakura?"

He latched himself to her nipple that poked from under her dress. She shook her head and wiggled from under him. She held on to his hair and pulled him closer to her, her legs wrapped themselves at his waist. His hardness poked her inner thigh as she moaned at the friction his clothes gave her unclothed skin. "Ka-_ka­_-shi."

"Does Sai satisfy you the way I do?" Thoughts riled up inside his head as he spoke. He shouldn't do this. He wasn't supposed to stay here and make her regret when she left him. Sai was once his former student. Sakura was once his former lover. But all of it was in the past. He should stop.

"_Kakashi_."

But he couldn't.

He needed her too much.

He unzipped his pants and pulled it down. He positioned himself at her warmth and slowly entered her. She bucked underneath him and moaned his name over and over again. _His _name. Not Sai, not Sasuke, but _him_. It gave him a sick satisfaction and he doubted if he was still sane enough to get out of this without damaging his relationship with Sai and Sakura.

But he kept going. Harder and faster. Thoughts raged in his head as he thought of his life alone. Without Sakura. Without her waking up in his bed together with him with her smiles that he loved to see, day and night. Without her warmth that gave him the comfort to sleep without the thoughts of Obito and Rin plaguing his mind and the miserable feeling that had always left him awake at night.

He drove her to the brink and held her as she cried out her sin—her pleasure. She weakly wrapped her arms around him and sobbed, his vest absorbed the moisture of her warm tears and he felt it. He emptied himself inside her as he felt the constrictions of her muscles clamp down on him. He can only pant against her ear and whisper the words he dreaded to hear in his mind over and over again.

"I'm pathetic."

oOo

**End Note:** Constructive criticism is much appreciated._ Please_? I'll give you a cookie.

**Shameless Advertising:** Read _Purely Physical_! Please? _Please?_ Cookie?


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